Okay…I’m still here.

Hello Blog!

It’s been a while! But 2010 has been a rough year (so far).

     Death

          Disappointment

               Destruction

          I’ve lost loved ones and I’ve lost the ability to trust some loved ones and I’ve lost the respect of other loved ones. I’m no longer moving from project to project, or day to day, but instead I am moving from crisis to crisis. I’ve spent so much of my personal energy tending to others and dealing with stuff and just-getting-by that I feel like I’ve lost my identity. I can’t control ANYTHING and sometimes I feel so empty inside, like I’m not really here anymore. I’m not being selfish or self-pitying or a moaner. But there are just SO MANY THINGS that I cannot change or fix or even address.

But…..

          Three days a week I escape to seminary. The hour long drive is think-time. I mull over my problems and plan my next move. Then I walk through the doors of Valentine Hall and leave it on the sidewalk outside (well, not always). I morph into student-mode and explore the Scriptures and learn from my classmates and professors. It is such a welcome and needed escape. Then I get in my “green bean” (my green little Prius) and start the drive home, feeling refreshed.

          I know that sounds too simple. But while I’m there I am constantly reminded that God loves me. I am constantly reminded that I am not alone. I am constantly reminded that I can trust God and that God will never leave me. And, even if for just a little while, I can give it all up to God who is ultimately in control.

          I don’t know how I could do it without God.  God has blessed me with a loving, trusting and supportive husband. My family and friends are concerned and compassionate and patient (oh so patient). And my classmates inspire me to keep-at-it.

Okay. I’m still here.

I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. But with God’s help….

Cause me to hear

Your loving-kindness in the morning,

for on You do I lean

and in You do I trust.

Cause me to know the way

wherein I should walk,

for I lift up my inner self to You.

Psalm 143: 8

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